I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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