We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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