If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
false alarm. still invincible.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
