How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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