I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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