My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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