FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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