There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
