Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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