Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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