Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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