When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
