there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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