Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
