I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Randomize
