I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
