I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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