yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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