I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
