i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
