I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry about my life...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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