he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
