It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
