WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I forgot how hot balto sounded
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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