just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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