He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
