i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
