no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
