6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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