Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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