hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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