I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
