I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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