so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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