fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
