Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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