I didn't shave. On purpose
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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