It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
