He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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