Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
