oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
