i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
