When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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