She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
