all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
