I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
