I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
