I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
