I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
we're so committed to being not committed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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