My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
