Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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