if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
